>>> collide

happy cny everyone (:

i've been stuffing myself like siao with new yr goodies for the past couple of days. hahahaa!

i think everything's changed in our friendship. and within such a short time too. hahaa. but i guess, it doesnt matter anymore? (:

the only constant thing is change?

out of the doubt that fills my mind
i somehow find, you and i collide (:
collide; howie day

i seriously dont know what i want.


>>> sats on saturday

SATS are on saturday. yes im quite worried cos my studying isnt going very well.

i cant help feeling inferior nowadays, i dont know why. i feel like im quite stupid and i dont feel pia enough compared to others who're probably about the same intelligence as me. and to think i used to pon classes after prelims and before o's without batting an eyelid cause i knew i'd do fine anyway. not listening during lulu's class, cos i felt i could do without him. but i just feel so insecure nowadays. feeling the need to prove im not as stupid as they think. urgh.

i wish you were here.

sometimes, i feel like i've forgotten. but i dont know if i have.

and on a separate issue, when we talk i wonder whether im just a substitute, someone you're using as a replacement. i dont know.

okay im going to study SATS before i flunk them. damnit.


>>> 240106

i havent been blogging for ages. ahahs. this blog becoming stagnant alr so i shall post smth.

been really busy lately. loads to do.

oh and i found out zhihan was in my chinese tuition last time. LOL. same class somemore. just that i never noticed him and he never noticed me. retarded. hee.

and i cant figure myself out. at times i covet it, yet at times i feel like i dont ever want it; that im happier without. i dont know why though (:

is it a good thing that i can forget so quickly? :/


>>> co and ponning

:.siao.er.: says:
anyway you got co tml?
letting go of everything says:
yes i do
letting go of everything says:
why
:.siao.er.: says:
haha
:.siao.er.: says:
no nothing
:.siao.er.: says:
im free tml
:.siao.er.: says:
pon leh
letting go of everything says:
damnit
letting go of everything says:
every wednesday
letting go of everything says:
sure got pple ask me to pon one
letting go of everything says:
100%
letting go of everything says:
AT LEAST 2 PPLE
letting go of everything says:
every week
letting go of everything says:
hahahhhaa


>>> jc friendships

haha i feel a bit depressed but i cant really pinpoint why.

anyway i was telling xj yesterday, in rj you can find loads of friends, but its very difficult to find zhi1 xin1 hao2 you3's... those that understand you and would stand by you no matter what...

some people really confuse me, sometimes they seem to be nice and to want to be your good friend and everything, but yet when its time to choose between supporting you or another person, they choose the other. i dont know what to make of that. such epimeral and superficial friendship. or do i just not understand enough?

that got me really confused cause i was thinking that if it was in sec4, dj xj and alpphie would definitely have stood by me. and others like tk and hl.

and i've realised (seriously and truly) that if someone bitches to you about other people, chances are, shes bitching about you to others as well. (not that i have the experience or the misfortune to find out about anyone doing this to me, but its probably happening) this isnt true in some circumstances, but you'd have to be REALLY good friends with the person. just like how i would never bitch about my best friends.

and another thing i've realised about friendship is that everyone has good or bad points, whether the good points are enough to make up for the bad points determines whether that person is a potential good friend. haha. make sense? oh well.

sometimes i feel like some people are close to me, yet i cant really confirm whether they're really considered close friends. confusing isnt it. oh wells.

i dont understand myself sometimes!!

i think i'll be changing the password of this place soon, i feel i need more privacy.


>>> six months

six months left till my birthday. (:

my posts are getting shorter, arent they? i guess my emotions lately arent really suitable for display to the public.

so confused. ):


>>> 100106

and i look back only to wonder if the decisions i made were right.


>>> you dont see me

this is the place where i sit,
this is the part where i love you too much
is this as hard as it gets?
cos im getting tired of pretending im tough
im here if you want me
im yours, you can hold me
im empty and achin
and tumblin and breakin

cos you dont see me
and you dont need me
and you dont love me
the way i wish you would
the way i know you could

i dream a world where you understand
i dream a million sleepless nights
i dream of fire when you're touching my hand
but it twists into smoke when i turn on the lights

im speechless and faded
its too complicated
is this how the book ends?
nothing but good friends?
>> you don't see me; josie and the pussycats

nice :D


>>> 060106

i hate it when people go 'how i know' or 'how i know you' or 'whatever' or 'too bad'. makes me just feel like slapping them (:

okay off to bed. damn tired.

how can i walk away?


>>> 050106

i wonder if friendships are worth trying to salvage when they're falling apart. i feel like one person cant do it alone but yet i cant bear to let go.

>>> second day of j2

(: !

i hafta go off to complete my organic chem tut soon, yay! (:

anyway yesterday i smsed huiling in the morning and asked her what time we hafta be in school. (ya lar too long never go sch then forgot mah!) it went something like this:
me: eh. what time does sch start.
hl: 740 morning assembly.
me: so late? i thought its 720.
hl: i think thats for rg. hahaa.
lol im still living in sec sch man! lol.

today stayed back and talked crap with jean, zhihan and bentay, who tried to wear ri pe attire to masquerade as a j1 but hes too famous in rj so everyone noticed him. LOL.

came home and slept for damn long again!

i think im finally getting used to everything.

okay i'd better get going. tomorrow long day! ):


>>> fifi and statues

All hail the Great, Magnificent, Royal MKJ... says:
no i dun crush him.
All hail the Great, Magnificent, Royal MKJ... says:
to be perfectly honest
All hail the Great, Magnificent, Royal MKJ... says:
i have a mini statue of him
All hail the Great, Magnificent, Royal MKJ... says:
sitting right at the foot of my bed
All hail the Great, Magnificent, Royal MKJ... says:
as well as on my study table
All hail the Great, Magnificent, Royal MKJ... says:
and one on the dressing table
All hail the Great, Magnificent, Royal MKJ... says:
and another hanging from the ceiling
All hail the Great, Magnificent, Royal MKJ... says:
there was one hidden in my wardrobe
All hail the Great, Magnificent, Royal MKJ... says:
but not sure where that went
All hail the Great, Magnificent, Royal MKJ... says:
maybe my maid placed it beside the 6 others in my trophy cabinet.

HAHAHAH OKAY I FIND THIS DAMN FUNNY.


>>> 020106

just a quick one before i go off to bed.

it just hit me that i vary between two extremes. when stuff pertaining to the people around me happens, im either damn sad or apathetic. (yeah this sentence sounds weird but im too lazy to figure out whats wrong with it)

first day at school tmr, second yr. i've kinda done my hw for tmr, so im quite happy.

bye holidays. dull and dreary life, here i come! :/


>>> 010106

i realised when people are pissed, they give the people around them hell too.

because of you
i never stray too far from the sidewalk
because of you
i learned to play on the safe side
so i dont get hurt
because of you
i find it hard to trust
not only me, but everyone around me
because of you i am afraid
>> because of you; kelly clarkson

damn one more day before school reopens.

120788
rgs
rjc






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