>>> the morning after

now im clear-headed.

lets go back to the beginning... shall we?

i'm terrified of the distance time have created between my former selves. says:
how can you "unlike" someone?
i'm terrified of the distance time have created between my former selves. says:
i seriously don't think it's possible :/
i'm terrified of the distance time have created between my former selves. says:
at most you just reduce your like.. you cant totally unlike.

there's a lot of things i'd like to say, but i guess this isnt the place.

truths and lies, hate and love, friendship and affection, trust and doubt. intertwined entities.

i just wish i knew. or do i? is the truth that simple? have i been complicating things for myself, not wanting to believe in what i should have?

there are just so many questions running through my mind; i should just ignore them.

>>> 311205

2005 is over. its been a long year.

too many things happened alr. i dont know how to put them into words.

i've learnt countless things about relationships, matured quite a lot (i think) and changed in indescribable ways.

okay time for personal stuff (:

huiling and tk: thanks for ALWAYS being there. ilu guys. i could always go to you guys whenever i had problems with regards to relationships or academics. thanks so much. (: and i think i grew closer to u guys this yr! especially tk (: <3 !

xingjuan: im sorry i wasnt always there when you were down. i really am. just that i guess i didnt know how to deal with depression either, and i was too caught up in my own problems. but anyhow i really appreciate your friendship. although i feel we've kinda drifted apart a bit (it felt weird that day calling u) but i hope this wont last... ilu too. always!

daijing: we go back a long time, dont we. since sec1. although i seriously didnt like u until the end of sec2. i dont know what to say. u've always been there for me. thanks so much. i'd spoil our memories with words. forever friends.

jean: thanks for being such an awesome friend. for the gossip, for comforting me when i got shit marks, for the advice, for listening to me, for everything. just got closer to you this year cos i didnt really talk to u during rgco last time (: hope our friendship'll will get better (:

siaoer: we go wayyy back. since primary one! even though i didnt really talk to u in my sec sch days, im really thankful i've had the opportunity to get closer to u this yr. ilu. thanks for always being there for me, for gossiping, for the outings, for the prata-ing, for the j8-ing, everything! (:

zhihan: lol. although u've known me for a damn short time, think u do know me pretty well. (: haha. and thanks for being so ever-patient, for being so terribly sensitive, for the advice, for the crapping sessions, for being such a good friend. you smartypants. (: mudflake! (: not muddrop this time! (:

eugene: a lot has happened, but i hope this'll just make our friendship better okay. i've known you for, what, three years? u've always been damn patient and helpful and everything. esp on academic stuff, you mugger. hahahaa. i still remember the first time i asked u smth on that was asking whether the reactivity series and electrochemical series was the same. (i bet you dont remember that) other than that, thanks for the crapping sessions filled with perverted stuff, and just for being my friend. i really appreciate it.

bentay: havent known u very long either (: haha. but u're damn terribly nice. "until can die that kind" (<- you said this yourself, just about someone else, if u dont remember. hahaha.) thanks for being always so nice, patient, and everything. and stop obsessing about ure bad points, ure niceness makes up for everything. honestly. not lying.

its been a tumultous year, i felt like crying when i was writing all that, im serious. even those whom i didnt mention personally, im really thankful for every one of you. (:

may 2006 be a much better year. (:


>>> kingkong

went out with juanny to watch kingkong yesterday, twas pretty good. was supposed to meet her at 4, but both of us were late. so we both arrived around 420. hahaa. so we walked to cineleisure. hahahaa. then we went to get tickets and realised tt only the front row was left for the 6 something show. urgh. then i was adamant about not watching the 9 something one. (cos it'd be too late and i'd miss my last bus. at this point, i still thought kingkong was 2h lol) so we took mrt down to city hall and went to suntec. ate carls jr! the mushroom burger isnt bad but it looks humongous and it has onions in it. (i plucked those out) LOL.

so anyway yah we watched at eng wah at suntec. hehh. got quite ok seats for an 8 something show. i didnt understand what they were talking about at the beginning though. i think i need time to get used to their accent! lol. but i think the prospect of king kong falling in love with her is unrealistic though. LOL.

huiling [rjco] says:
but i still think it's v unrealistic. haha
she's only a picture on a magazine says:
yeah.
she's only a picture on a magazine says:
like whats the chance the kingkong wld fall in love with u
she's only a picture on a magazine says:
-.-
huiling [rjco] says:
hahah... and it seems there's only one of his kind
huiling [rjco] says:
dying species. hahaha...
she's only a picture on a magazine says:
yah lor
she's only a picture on a magazine says:
cant mate
she's only a picture on a magazine says:
hahahaa
huiling [rjco] says:
omg. imagine doing it with the girl.
huiling [rjco] says:
ok dang
she's only a picture on a magazine says:
maybe he wanted her for tt
she's only a picture on a magazine says:
HHAHAHAA
huiling [rjco] says:
that was really sick.
she's only a picture on a magazine says:
TELEPATHY

lol. okay ignore me. but then again, i do guess it was pretty romantic and everything. (well, he saved her from the dinosaurs!) lol. and xj and i agreed tt adrian brody is quite shuai (in a weird way. not the typical hunk way. hahahaha) heh. oh, and i thought the way tt the blackblack tribal man used the stick to get into the ship was damn scary.

anyway the movie was like 2h55min. so i managed to get the last train and bus home. xj had to ask her dad to fetch her though.

okay shall end here! (:


>>> she's no you

shes no you, oh no
you give me more than i could ever want
shes no you, girl
im satisfied with the one i got
cos you're all the girl
that i ever dreamed
shes only a picture on a magazine
shes no you, shes no you

they got a lotta girls
who dance in all the videos
but i prefer the way you do
the way you move
you're more than beautiful
and i just wanna let you know
that all i ever need
is what i've got with you

any girl walk by, dont matter
every time you're looking better
i think you're perfect
there aint nothin i would change
she could be a supermodel
every magazine, the cover
she'll never, ever take my heart away
>> she's no you; jesse mccartney


>>> eve of the eve of xmas

oh i realised i've a tendency to meet people overseas. first jon in genting and now that girl in melbourne. (i forgot her name)

anyway im feeling incredibly stoned and lethargic now.

so confused! i dont know what im doing sometimes. bleh.

>>> pretty

i realised girls really change quite a lot when they grow up. was looking at pictures of people i've known since sec1 and i realised they look quite different now and i never noticed. lol.


>>> holiday

im back. hahahaa.

well it was pretty fun i guess, and i've really realised tt im really a city person. NOT a country person. you know, frolicking around with the goats and cows and everything. hahaaha. cos i really couldnt tahan the flies at 12 apostles. it was terrible and i felt like i was going mad. but i learnt ways to keep even swarms of flies off you. HAHA.

and the most fun day i had was the shopping lor. (duh) HAHAHA. actually i think i bought quite a bit of stuff. though not as much as i wld have expected cos stuff is usually either around the same price or more ex.

like bloom lipgloss is 28 bucks in singapore but 25 aust dollars there. which translates to about 32.5 singapore dollars. and birkenstock sandals cost 129 in singapore (well, the one i want) but in australia it costs 139 australian dollars! like SO much more ex?! even roxy stuff and everything which one wld expect to be a lot cheaper is around the same price, just that they have a lot more variety there.

but then again there were loads of sweets and chocolates to buy. LOL. bought like 10kg or smth worth i think. HAHA.

and the weather was generally cooler lah just that there was one day in melbourne where the heat was seriously sweltering. and in singapore its humid and hot so it isnt that bad. but there its like dry and hot. which = sahara desert. hahahhaa.

okay i shant talk much here so i can rant to people and send pics to them! haahaha!


>>> flying tomorrow

im flying tomorrow! 840pm flight!

quite excited yet i partly wish i wasnt going. weird, isnt it?

all the same i hope i'll have a fun trip! (well, it should be, right?)

i just wish siaoer was going with me like in sec1! hahahaa. i still remember being excited then!

anyway i'll miss everyone okay. anything you guys want from aust, just sms me and i'll try to get it okay! (:

cya!


>>> flying to australia soon

so bored.

flying off soon! (but not today lah!) cant wait. heheh.

im going to hunt down a krispykremes shop! they look tasty, hahahaa!

its been ages since i've gone for a real holiday i think. excluding the genting trip with sec4 clique last year, the last time was in sec1 lor! ahahaa. to uk.

went to buy suitcase just now. the one we bought is really quite ugly. hahaahaha. but bo pian. wanted cheap one so cannot ask too much right. saw this damn nice one but it was like 300+ so cant buy la.

okay shall stop here! (:


>>> dinner at keppel club

i was sweeping my foot over the floor just now and something stuck in my foot. on closer inspection i realised it was a giant splinter. too big so only one portion went in. i pulled it out. now my foot is bleeding a tiny bit. teehee.

went to keppel club for dinner with siaoer and co yesterday, her brother sukit went too. LOL. i was telling him that mango pudding was mang2 guo3 bu4 ding1 then he refused to believe me. then later he asked his dad and realised its correct. then he nanaed me for saying wrongly!! lol. hahaaha. oh. and at the end of the dinner he put a piece of ice on my arm. so i let out a yell-cum-shocked sound and jumped up to see him laughing at me. garh.

anyway of course the food was good. i ate a lot. as usual.

however i think i have lost A BIT of weight. my jian fei-ing plan shall start next yr. wahaaha.

going to buy travel bags later i think. shall go bathe in a while.

>>> key to my heart

lonely hours, lonely days
never meant to drive you away from me yeah
i should have listened to you lady
and what you had to say, if only yeah

i never knew how much you feel for somebody after
you've let them go, let them go
and you find out that its too late to let
your feelings show, feelings show
and even though i've done you so wrong
dont you know, like i know ooh baby

you see you've got the key to my heart, girl
unlock me and take all my feelings apart
cos when you said you had to leave
had to go away
you closed the door on me
you threw away the key

starting over, feeling down
still cant believe that you're not around
i should have been there for you baby
but now im crying on this melody tonight yeah
>> key to my heart; craig david


>>> a child frozen in time

A child frozen in time
Unexplained and unusual, 12-year-old Brooke still looks like an infant

BALTIMORE, MD. - Watching your children grow up is one of the pleasures of being a parent— and for Howard and Melanie Greenberg, who live in suburban Baltimore with their four daughters, the milestones and memories are countless.

Brooke is the third of the Greenberg’s children.

"She giggles, she laughs, she recognizes her mother and her father, and she loves to be tickled. She loves her sisters," says Melanie.

It all sounds rather ordinary, but for Brooke, things were never quite typical— even from the beginning when Melanie was pregnant with her.

"They checked for growth size every month. One month she would be fine, one month she would just stop and play catch up," recalls Melanie.

"Brooke was a little on the small side, but nothing abnormal," says dad Howard. "I mean you couldn’t really tell until you witnessed the birth and you saw Brooke."

A premature baby
Melanie and Howard first saw Brooke sooner than expected. She arrived one month early and weighed only 4 lbs. She was born with a problem with her hips— a rare condition called anterior hip dislocation.

"Her hips were dislocated from where they normally would be," says Dr. Lawrence Pakula, Brooke's pediatrician. "Hers were pushing forward and put her legs in a very awkward position."

Very early in her life, Brooke had to have surgery, be put in casts and lie on her back with her feet up in the air. "The hope is that this would give her much better function," says Pakula.

At this point, Howard and Melanie still thought they were going to have a normal child.

However, when Brooke was about a year old, Howard and Melanie grew more concerned. Now the worry was not Brooke’s hips, but why Brooke remained about the size of a 6-month-old. While their other daughters were growing, maturing, Brooke seemed to be frozen in time.

"She really was not growing to the rate that she should have been growing," says Howard. "I remember the doctor saying that when Brooke enters say 4th grade she’ll be like at the first grade level. We could live with that, we had no problem with that. We really did not know the road we were about to take with Brooke."

In search of answers
It was a road, that over the next few years, took the Greebergs to specialist after specialist in search of answers... in search of anything.

"They [the specialists] just said she’ll catch up. Then we went to the nutritionist, the endocrinlogoist. We tried the growth hormone," says Melanie.

There was absolutely zero change. "I mean she did not put on an ounce or she did not grow an inch," says Howard. "That’s when I knew there was a problem."

When you look at photographs of Brooke, she appears virtually unchanged. Even her mother has trouble sometimes recognizing how old Brooke is in snapshots.

About four years ago, when "Dateline" first met Brooke, she was still the size of a six month old, weighing just 13 lbs. , 27 inches long. And remarkably, Tiny Brooke was 8 years old. The family still had no explanation.

"We started hearing the word maybe she has 'Syndrome X' which is an unknown syndrome," says Melanie. "That was the first time after the growth hormone didn’t work that the doctor brought that up into our minds and it seemed like the thing to label Brooke— unknown 'Syndrome X.'"

The Greenbergs made many vistis to nearby Johns Hopkins Children’s Center, and even took Brooke to New York’s Mount Sinai hospital, looking for clues to their daughter’s condition.

"Even the geneticists were perplexed," recalls Pakula. "They could not find any abnormalities in her chromosomes." The Greenberg’s pediatrician consulted with specialists, looked for references in medical literature, but came up with nothing.

"No one had ever seen anyone quite like Brooke," she concluded.

Complicated medical conditions
And it wasn’t just Brooke’s inablity to grow. She also began developing serious medical conditions. During the first few years of her life, she was able to eat. She later developed stomach problems and had to be fed through a feeding pump. She also had respiratory problems, was frequently hospitalized, and even suffered a stroke.

"There was a point there where they prepared us for her to die and that’s happened actually several times," says Howard.

"When you have to go to the funeral home and pick out a casket, or go to the store and pick out the last outfit… it’s like a rollercoaster ride, mentally and physically," says Melanie.

Somehow, Brooke pulled through everytime.

Today, Brooke remains exactly the same size, despite the fact that she’s now 12 ½ years old. Her health remains precarious. She spent much of this past winter sick with respiratory problems and recently was hospitalized. The Greenbergs now have a nurse help them care for Brooke.

Still, they try to keep life as normal as possible.

Brooke attends a school for special needs children, even though her mental ability is that of a six month old.

Brooke can’t walk or speak, but manages to get around by crawling. She even lets her thoughts be known.

"She’s very aware," says Melanie. "She’s just another one of the girls in the family here. Packaged a little differently, but she’s Brooke. She’s her own little person."

She also knows when she’s not the center of attention. Three years after Brooke was born, the Greenbergs decided to have another baby. Melanie was monitored carefully and after an uneventful pregnancy, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Everyone was happy— except Brooke.

"She was jealous just like a normal child," says Howard. "She would get fussy, start to cry a little bit, want to be held, that type of thing."

A little older sister
The youngest of the Greenberg’s children, Carly, now 9 years old, knows Brooke is technically her older sister, but understands that a family with a 12-year-old who’s still a baby — is just different.

"It feels kind of strange," says Carly. "She’s older than me but she’s smaller than me. And I actually feel like I am her older sister."

The whole family helps with Brooke, accepts her for who she is, and for now, has given up looking for answers.

"When we did 'Dateline' before, nobody came forth that 'we have a case just like this,'" says Melanie, who had hoped that the publicity would provide her with some answers. "We had no doctors give us a cure. So we faced reality and we just said, 'She’s here for a reason, she is fine in our eyes the way she is.'"

With no diagnosis, the Greenbergs do not know what Brooke’s future holds... but they take nothing for granted.

"Our 12 years has been a journey, a journey that as each day goes becomes more unique," says Melanie.

"She’s just a miracle. Just an angel," says her father.

Melanie adds, "We just hope she’s happy every day."

© 2005 MSNBC Interactive

interesting isnt it? yet sad.


>>> 101205

hello world!

i was wrong when i said my foot was getting better yesterday. SO TERRIBLY WRONG, omg. i got woken up at the unearthly hour of 8 by a splitting pain near my ankle! it was FREAKING pain i tell you. so i slathered some of that analgesic stuff onto it and went back to sleep, cos i supposed the analgesic thing numbed it a bit. (haha. i remember memorising what analgesics were for in sec4.) then my mom tried to wake me up again but any position other than having my whole leg FLAT on its side on my bed (confusing?) caused me agony. yeah that included trying to put my foot onto the floor to walk. so i went back to sleep again. finally woke up at 2 cause it was too bloody hot to continue sleeping.

seems like the pain is the worst in the morning. why ah?!

my brother saw me walking and he asked me why im bai ka.

on another note, fa ru xue in november's chopin is nice too!! <33 !


>>> 091205

weird, my dreams always seem to feature people running. i had another one last night. haha. escapism maybe.

got my levis yesterday! hahaha. 593! think it looks quite nice.

btw siaoer and i got free drinks from starbucks yesterday! hahaahahaha. (: mocha frapp.

and i injured my achilles tendon.

okay i think im going off to sleep again.


>>> running

oh my. i just woke up and for some reason today i remember the dream i had! its damn lame la. i dreamt i was running 2.4. HAHAHA. i think rj (cos xing wasnt in my class, if it was rg she wld have been) was having this whole school run or smth! (terror!) hahaha. anyway. i think i didnt have anyone to run with. so i asked siaoer and she said, "im running with nicole" (goodness, this IS inspired by the standard chartered marathon i think) so i asked xingjuan and mavis. ended up running with them. then... after like 2 rounds it was like evening (dunno how time pass so fast) and i realised tt xingjuan and mavis were gone! HAHA. and then the scene changed to someone's house... not sure whose, didnt see properly. and mavis was replaced by annabel. (this part is weird cos bel's in hc) then i found them playing computer. then they told me to go tell the person the timing. then the scene changed back to the school again. (but it wasnt rj, it looked damn decrepit hahaahaha) then when i told the person alr she started talking about some ns stuff for girls! goodness. HAHAHA.

okay i am self-amusing.

going out with siaoer later.

am semi-happy, yet not quite. hahaha.

ok shall end here.


>>> introspection

DONT READ THIS ENTRY UNLESS YOU DONT MIND ME WHINING.

i realised i often say things which i dont mean when im angry or sad.

ahh. some people are so nice until i feel so evil in comparison. hahahaa. but looking back i do feel damn touched even though i couldnt fully appreciate it at that point of time (:

as i was telling tk yesterday, i think this year has been damn shit and $^&*(^#ed up even though there -were- good things that happened i guess. shall not delve into those unpleasant memories though.

but it really hurts when i think how i've drifted away from people who were once my closest friends.

actually come to think of it, im a lot more private than i was in sec4. i dont know what brought about this change, but i just think i am. judging from my behaviour now. i've changed so much its quite scary.

im so freaking weak emotionally... i cant stand it.

and i feel so jaded. on 2 matters actually. like at the beginning of the year, i really tried to hold on. i did. but i couldnt. now i just take whatever comes and i dont even try to initiate more stuff. on the other issue, i feel like im such a walking paradox. there are only 2 ways this can go. i cant take it one way, yet the other way doesnt seem to work. hahah. is this very confusing?

zxcabartiop asdbahijkl zxccwyliop asddalhwiesjkl zxcelovbnm asdfyuhhjkl.

i miss.

>>> 061205

you cant says:
its so cute! look at its butt.
you cant says:
so fluffy
you cant says:
hahahaha
: ) spanky says:
hahhaha
: ) spanky says:
so ur bf wld haf a fluffy backside eh

... LOL!


>>> 051205

went out with tk after xiaozu today!

hahahahaa. xiaozu was crappy. i felt dead enthu for going cos there were a grand total of 4 pple present. me, huiling, keting and khoo. then tk came later. bwahaha. cos we both slept at like uh. 3 plus? and her alarm clock spoilt. hahaah. anyway i learnt zhan ma. yepps. for the concert next year. then after tt i went to terrorise ket. heheh. then 11 onwards was spent listening to songs on huiling's ipod with tk (: hahahah.

a lot of funny things happened today, but i cant remember all of them.

anyway there was this bian tai security guard at marks and spencers at paragon, he was staring at us while we were looking at bras hahahaha.

oh and i think we spent loads of time sitting down cos i was so sleepy and tired. haahaha.

anyway i bought this damn nice blotter from heeren! its like big and deep purple! omg! haaahahaha. freaking pretty!!

yup meow. i cant remember what other interesting happenings there were. so i shall stop here! (:

>>> 051205

not sure how to put my feelings into words...

crack*kwanie apparated here*ced is my king! ~gred & forge rock!~24th june is a lousy date says:
yoz
crack*kwanie apparated here*ced is my king! ~gred & forge rock!~24th june is a lousy date says:
i was looking for chenfeng on the list

i feel so loved! (:


>>> 041205

hello. im bored so i shall blog...

just now went to manhattan fish market in ps to eat with my coussie and bro. hahaah. its pretty much like fish&co except quite a bit better. well for one the fried fish isnt that oily. hahahaa. so everyone go try it. hahaha.

i feel happy (: well, quite (:

how come so many people like the white and gold nike bag ah! i dun like leh. ahhahaa. but oh well to each her own (: saw the bright pink version when i was out with xing that time. it looked awful. hahahaaha.

by the way, im addicted to ye qu! in novembers chopin by jay chou. lol. i like the instrumental part at the beginning (:

OKAY i shall go now BYEBYE ((:

120788
rgs
rjc






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